Only Guatnamese Lemming Chickens are used in our recipes. These birds throw themselves on to the roasting spits, giggling happily as they do so.
To ease the birds’ transition to our plates, we give them train tickets to make the 300 mile journey from their hatching grounds to the traditional cliffs that they use. Incidentally, this removes the bitter lactic acid from their muscles as they rest on their seats, making the meat more tender. We also provide them with a last meal of corn taken from Aztec sacred sites in the Outer Hebrides. We encourage these featherless, flightless fowl to roll around on a bed of oily breadcrumbs before they jump over the cliffs, laughing with sheer joy.